While cleaning out my wardrobe the other day, I was
contemplating what it means to be generous.
The growing pile of clothes I hadn’t used for some time, and
of clothes whose existence I’d forgotten about was a reminder of how much I was going to actually donate to local charity shops.
As huge as the pile was, did that mean I was equally generous?
It was not lost on me as I sorted through the clothing and
shoes, that I was giving away only those things that I no longer wanted, wore,
felt attractive in and found valuable. Would I so easily have discarded or donated the
shoes and clothes that I still wanted and valued?
Is it generosity to give away only what we no longer want or
need?
Our reason for donating is influenced by many factors: we want to clean out the space, downsize or
pare down our possessions, and give to worthy causes, but the waters of our motivation can get murky because we, in the U.S., also receive a tax deduction for our charitable
donations.
So what does it mean to be truly generous?
I heard a story of a man who was helping to serve food to
San Francisco’s homeless one cold Sunday morning. The indigent man he was handing food to said
to him that his jacket looked warm. The
man immediately put down the plate, removed his jacket, and handed it to the
homeless man. This is heart-warming,
tear-jerking generosity.
True generosity means giving what is helpful, beneficial, or
good without hope of return. Clearly
then a selfish motive such as clearing out an overfull wardrobe, or wanting to
feel less burdened by possessions isn’t altruism.
We don’t have to give
away what we still need and use to demonstrate our charitable nature. But if we do give away a prized object simply to win somebody over, gain fame or power over another, well then, you can see this wouldn't be generosity either.
One’s motivation has to be crystal clear. The more attached we are to an object and outcome the less freedom there is in our giving. Whether consciously or unconsciously we cling like crazy glue to our possessions. Typically only when we deem them no longer of use to us do we loosen our grip. Such 'stickiness' in relationships with our things, friends and family is how we become burdened by all we own.
Even if we don't think of our friends and family as possessions, they are in our minds "our family" and "our friends". A friend from my teen years used to get very upset whenever "her friends" befriended other people. Such possessiveness often marks much of our 'ownership'.
A lack of generosity can also manifest as attachment to ourselves over others. This is not mere selfishness but is evidenced especially in stealing. Theft is motivated by greed/desire that implicitly declares the thief's want/need/desire for the item is greater than that of the owners. Interestingly the way to combat the tendency to steal is to practise generosity. Giving instead of taking. The action of giving unwinds our grip on all that we think we own and helps us better adjust to life's temporariness. Then when things leave either by donation, theft or death we are well practised in dealing with their absence in our lives.
This may sound far fetched but its common sense is indisputable. As an energy healer who works with crystals, one of the first things I learnt about crystals is how to view their 'leaving'. So if a crystal gets lost or stolen or say your amethyst bracelet disappears off your wrist, then we are to view that departure as the crystal having served its purpose in your life and was moving on to benefit the person in whose possession it currently was in. Even if you don't subscribe to this metaphysical notion, at the very least it is training one to be free and to practise sharing and giving.
So here’s a simple formula for practicing true generosity: give another what will benefit him/her + expect nothing in return = you will be freer and happier.
One’s motivation has to be crystal clear. The more attached we are to an object and outcome the less freedom there is in our giving. Whether consciously or unconsciously we cling like crazy glue to our possessions. Typically only when we deem them no longer of use to us do we loosen our grip. Such 'stickiness' in relationships with our things, friends and family is how we become burdened by all we own.
Even if we don't think of our friends and family as possessions, they are in our minds "our family" and "our friends". A friend from my teen years used to get very upset whenever "her friends" befriended other people. Such possessiveness often marks much of our 'ownership'.
A lack of generosity can also manifest as attachment to ourselves over others. This is not mere selfishness but is evidenced especially in stealing. Theft is motivated by greed/desire that implicitly declares the thief's want/need/desire for the item is greater than that of the owners. Interestingly the way to combat the tendency to steal is to practise generosity. Giving instead of taking. The action of giving unwinds our grip on all that we think we own and helps us better adjust to life's temporariness. Then when things leave either by donation, theft or death we are well practised in dealing with their absence in our lives.
This may sound far fetched but its common sense is indisputable. As an energy healer who works with crystals, one of the first things I learnt about crystals is how to view their 'leaving'. So if a crystal gets lost or stolen or say your amethyst bracelet disappears off your wrist, then we are to view that departure as the crystal having served its purpose in your life and was moving on to benefit the person in whose possession it currently was in. Even if you don't subscribe to this metaphysical notion, at the very least it is training one to be free and to practise sharing and giving.
So here’s a simple formula for practicing true generosity: give another what will benefit him/her + expect nothing in return = you will be freer and happier.
Fortunately generosity isn’t only limited to the donation of
material objects. If this were true,
then most of the world’s impoverished who are practically possessionless would not be able
to practice generosity. The fact is
everyone can be generous in non-material ways.
Generosity is taking time to listen and be with a friend who
needs love and understanding. Giving another the benefit of the doubt or
cutting them slack when they’ve upset us, and we’d like to tell them off but
don’t is being charitable. And wise too.If we share the practices that have helped us lessen the pain, stress and anxiety in our lives then we are being generous.
Our acts of charity don’t have to be huge. Letting go of even the smallest possession,
or spending the briefest moments with another is giving from the heart. This kind of generosity brings light into
your and others' lives.
May you experience the freedom in giving.