look life straight in the eye.
Today was
a strange day. I talked to two people—
both of whom were – shorter than me! It
was an interestingly bizarre experience.
Rarely, if ever, am I taller than those around me, with the exception of
very young children. Even adolescents are often taller than I am. I
stand at a little under 5’2’’. So two
times in one day was quite something. The
interesting thing was: having to tilt my head slightly down during the
conversation gave me a glimpse, alas far too brief, into the perspective
of tall people. Never before, or that I can remember, have I seen light
reflecting off clavicle bones in just the way I did today. It was fascinating.
Then last
night I was sitting on the kitchen floor kneading dough, and I happened to
glance at the bookcase full of recipe books.
Hanging from the back of the second shelf behind some books was a card
of batteries. I discovered three things
in that instant: first, I found where the batteries had disappeared to; second,
I realized the bookcase back must be bowed to have allowed the card to
partially slide down; and third, it’s fascinating what a difference it made
looking at the same things I look at every day from a new angle.
Our human
nature is very comfortable with maintaining status quo. Certainly this goes a long way to making life
easier. Doing so aids us in fulfilling
routines, chores, and activities in a rote manner. But wouldn’t you love the opportunity to get
a new viewpoint on something quite commonplace in your life? I would!
I’ve
always wanted to ‘see with the eyes of a child', but didn’t know how to do this. I think when an infant observes the world it does so with wonder, curiosity and no
judgment. Could this be because of their
angle of view? Or maybe the child is allowing a wiser,
bigger part of its being to approach life, whereas adults typically face encounters with fear, anxiety and the ego’s attempt to control or shape reality and the world. The child is not so fixated on controlling her world; she's interested in learning about it. For us this means being willing to see the mundane and the novel in our lives with fresh vision.
From this
new perspective then, I wondered how I would view a particularly sticky issue
I’m experiencing. I’m at a loss trying
to understand and practise compassion with someone I know. This person’s behavior and thinking are very
distressing to me, and I struggle with not judging this person. It’s a struggle I often don’t succeed at.
I suspect I may not always be seeing this person fully both the distressing and lovable parts. When we can’t understand someone, we tend to only see their faults and failings and overlook their goodness and generosity. I think I am failing to see this person's point of view because I'm so focused on my objection to it. I still have to learn how to deal with my criticism to this person's way of being. Now that I know what's blocking my ability to be kind, this awareness will begin to slow my reactions. It may not always stop me from being unkind, but it will help me monitor my interactions and reactions from a different angle.
The fact is human beings are complex. As frustrating and dissatisfying as this may
be, life is rarely, if ever, just one way.
We’d much prefer things to be binary – black or white, yes or no, right
or wrong, good or bad. But gray is often
the reality.
The fact is human beings are complex. As frustrating and dissatisfying as this may
be, life is rarely, if ever, just one way.
We’d much prefer things to be binary – black or white, yes or no, right
or wrong, good or bad. But gray is often
the reality.
By
allowing ourselves to see all sides of a person, we not
only give them a chance to be who they are and live their lives, but we also
help ourselves remain open to them. In
doing so, we spare both them and ourselves much heartache and grief. The sad truth is when we judge others, we
harm ourselves too. An incident comes to mind.
I’d put in a call to a colleague saying I
needed her help urgently. Three days
went by and no call. I called again; no
luck. During this time, I made a
concerted effort to not get angry, feel rejected, or think awful thoughts about
her. Trust me, the urge was there. I resisted by reminding myself I didn’t know
her reason for not returning my call.
Whenever I felt the urge to lash out at her, I’d say “I don’t know if
she’s in hospital. If her child has died. If she’s been diagnosed with something”,
and this was sufficient to put a halt to my story line. I called again. She sounded her normal self, and explained she’d
been busy. Listening to her, I was
struck not so much by her casual indifference, but by how relieved I felt. Because
I hadn’t maligned her, I didn’t have anything to feel bad about. Of course, being vigilant of our responses
makes our interactions more demanding, but in the long run it benefits both
parties.
As challenging as it can be, when we
are able to view our everyday life with fresh eyes, we empower ourselves to
look life straight in the eye. We see
what’s right before us even if it makes us uncomfortable. And by using our relationships and experiences
as the training ground for developing a new way of seeing, we cultivate the
skills to surf the waves of change and to grow wiser about ourselves.
May you
see with the eyes of child.
