Mindfully Managing Desire

     Valentine’s Day is typically a celebration of love, romance, and the satiation of sensual pleasures and desires.

     At the start of February, I began a month-long detox requiring I eliminate many foods from my diet.  Even though I don’t often indulge in chocolate and cookies, my craving for them during this month became so pronounced that I had to sit up and take notice. 

     Apparently desire, of all the emotions we experience, is the one that’s most easily masked from our own perception i.e. we neither notice its influence on us nor do we see clearly while under its influence.  In contrast emotions like anger, fear, or sadness usually appear without too much camouflage.  With desire, this is not the case. 

     Of course, there are good desires like wanting to be of service in the world or to be kinder and more loving.   Needing to eat when hungry and rest when tired are neutral desires that don't have any harmful impact either.
     However, harmful craving or desire impairs our ability to see reality.  The mindset we approach life situations with when under the influence of this emotion is mainly to validate our opinions, reinforce preconceived notions, and/or to get what we want.  Such longing or yearning is the interloper between what we are experiencing and what is actually happening.  Consequently we rarely directly perceive life.
      We may well recognize when we are craving something, but its inherent seductive poison is not apparent to us.  This is because with desire there is always an attendant justification. 

     An example:  The other day I’d weeded the garden, did laundry, cooked, completed some business matters, and by the afternoon I was ready to relax.  My idea of relaxation is watching a movie.  By the way, a few years ago I’d given up cable service because I’d spent an unhealthy amount of time in front of the television.  Knowing my craving for wanting to lose myself in some show or movie, I try to be mindfully aware when I indulge this habit.  So on the day when I’d been especially industrious, I felt entitled to sit and watch one or two full length movies as a reward to myself.

     The problem here is -- desire is the thing that’s driving my actions.  The reason or justification is secondary.  If we don’t see the desire for what it is:  to blank out, distract ourselves, escape some problem, or perhaps to chase pleasure, we unwittingly perpetuate an unhelpful habit.  What we tend to only see is the justification, which is validating the unconscious urge we are experiencing.

     To be clear, pleasure is a necessary part of life.  A life devoid of sensual pleasure will surely be dreary and depressing.  Pleasure only becomes an issue when we can no longer control our yearning for it,  when we seek it constantly, and want it to be our only life experience.  At this stage, desire or pleasure seeking becomes attachment, obsession and clinging. 

     The way to bring the unconsciousness of desire to the surface is to pay attention.  Notice when you are yearning or longing for something and ask yourself what’s behind that feeling.  Don’t be surprised by all the reasons that arise.  Instead look beyond the reason to the basic urge that is motivating the action. 

     If your ‘escape”  is watching television or perhaps drinking, overeating, gambling, or playing video games you can train yourself to do those things mindfully.  For e.g. Sit in front of the television, (with it turned off, of course) close your eyes and check in with yourself.  You could ask questions like: “what am I feeling right now?”;  “what thoughts are plaguing me?”;  “what don’t I want to face right now?”  Once you have your answer, or when you are ready, turn on the television and enjoy your movie.  

     This way, you may still be indulging your desire, but it is no longer unconscious.  You are seeing it for what it is.  It has become a mindful action. 

    May you mindfully manage your desires.