Threads of Patience

      Our lives are composed of myriad experiences woven into a tapestry that we can look back on with pleasure or wince at in dismay. 

      The threads used in the construction of our life’s tapestry can add lustre and invite a touch, and a softening in the heart of an observer.  Or it can be woven from floss that’s raw, knotted, and frayed, which can irritate and chaff, and awaken sadness instead. 

      How we approach our life experiences will determine the quality of the thread that’s loomed into our life’s portrait. 

       The other day I spoke with a high school friend.  He’s been working in the same job almost 30 years and is planning on retiring from it.  Laughingly he said to me, “I know this isn’t the best way to live because I’m living now just for my retirement”.

      I felt sad as I listened to him because it was obvious to both of us that he knew he was putting his life on hold for a dream.   

      Recently two people quite close to me told me of unexpected mishaps that have befallen them.  The ceiling on the home of my 72 year old friend caved in.  It’s destroyed all her belongings and everything has been contaminated with asbestos and mold.  So everything is condemned and has be thrown out.   Another 82 year old friend who is preparing for knee replacement surgery just discovered the water supply to her home is running dry, and she has to pay thousands of dollars to have a new well dug on her property.

     Consciously or unconsciously most of us believe we’ll live a problem free life when we are older.  With that false idea in mind, we think it is fine to simply blast through life’s current irritations because one day it will all be smooth sailing.

     But skill later on in life requires training throughout life.

     When I was a child, my bad temper got me into lots of scrapes at school and home.  My mother would constantly caution me about the suffering I was creating for myself because of my uncontrolled behavior.  I hated hearing her advice then, but I see the wisdom of it now.  I was honing the habit of being angry and impatient.  And she was saying don’t wait until you are older to develop patience, start training now.

     Our entire lifetime is a training ground for cultivating wise thought, speech and action.  It is unwise to think that patience, tolerance and forbearance can be developed overnight later in life. That belief causes us to disregard the opportunities to practice being patient every moment.

     Many things try our tolerance from radio broadcasts to witnessing some incident on the street.    The supreme skill of patience will help us in such rough times because instead of becoming inflamed we can practise restraint, which lessens our own and others' suffering. 

     To defuse impatience and irritation, we should actively remind ourselves that the challenge we are currently facing is an opportunity to develop a helpful skill.  It’s not always easy to remember this.  So it's a good idea to start with the little irritations.  For example, when I’m washing dishes, and putting cutlery into the dish rack, and if a spoon falls out, I get irritated.  Because I know this is a trial for me, I sometimes even laugh at my irritation when a fork or spoon falls out of the holder.

      It’s important to notice in advance what triggers our impatience.  Once you are angry it’s very difficult to halt the spiral.  So being mindful even in hindsight, and reflecting on episodes of impatience is very helpful in developing a calmer state of mind. 

      The other thing to do is remind yourself that no situation lasts forever.  No matter how frustrating and annoying someone or something is it will end.  Practicing restraint and stoicism in the midst of it is trains the mind, lessens your own and others' suffering, and defuses a volatile situation.  People remember us for how we are when things are falling apart.

      I’m struck by the acceptance of both my friends who are enduring challenges at this stage of life.  Their calm comes from years of training in tolerance.  They exemplify grace under fire. The threads in their life tapestries will glisten with smoothness, silkiness and softness. 

     May your life tapestry be loomed with threads of patience.