Ending the Habit of Envying

What goes through your mind when you think of or look at someone who has power, status, money, good looks, and talent?  What feelings course through your being?  Take a moment now and contemplate those questions…

If you desire what they have, you envy them.  Envy is being unhappy at another person’s success, and consequently feeling sad because we think we are deficient or lacking. This habit can lead to depression. 

It can also lead us to do and think horrible things.  We will hate their success, and wish for them to fail.  To make ourselves feel better, we will denigrate or insult the person who has what we want, or we’ll boast and praise ourselves.  

Envy breeds comparison and competition in us.  We compare ourselves to someone and think that person’s life is the way we imagine it.  No one’s life is without struggles and problems, but under the influence of envy, our mind becomes deluded and we think how their lives appear to us is the reality.

We don’t just envy anybody.  We envy the people who possess some limited scarce resource that we covet.  This makes us competitive.  Envy’s destruction isn’t limited to other people, it harms us too.  We can end up hating ourselves as much as we do the other person.

My 12 year old nephew was telling me that he and his friends were going to the mall on Saturday, and that they were going to be there as soon as it opened.  They needed to be first in line to get these very popular white sneakers which sold out quickly.  He said that they’d learned the stores wouldn’t put out additional sneakers once the first batch was sold.  Listening to him, I could tell how important it was for them to be the ones who owned these much-desired, limited-stock shoes.

You can see how exhausting this constant competing and comparing can be.  The habit of envying is a poison that destroys our ability to appreciate ourselves, and to see the value in our own lives.  

  

To reverse the negativity and corrosiveness of envy, try to :

1.       Pay attention to what is going well in your life:  you have pets, friends and loved ones who care for you, you have a home that’s comfortable and safe, a job that brings in a paycheck, things you are good at and admired for, and the support of people who’ve helped you in your career.

For example,  the next time you are in a queue or traffic jam, instead of cursing that fact, consider that if these people weren’t here too, this shop or freeway wouldn’t have been built.  It is precisely because there were so many people who needed it, that you can now also get to shop there or can quickly (most of the time) travel to places you need to. So it is the contribution of all these strangers that is bringing value to your life as well.  

2.      rejoice when someone else gets the thing you ALSO wanted :  the co-worker who is promoted, or the friend who wins the lottery. Rejoicing may not be easy and not feel authentic in the beginning, but keep persevering and with practise it will become a genuine feeling.  This will create a good habit.

3.      rejoice in your successes and abilities.  And don’t forget to celebrate your willingness to break free from the destructive habit of envy.   

  When you celebrate someone else’s triumphs, you benefit too.  Genuinely wishing others well

1.      creates feelings of well-being in yourself

2.      frees you from the bondage of competition

3.      gives you the opportunity to practice kindness and generosity towards others and yourself. 

4.      helps you accept yourself

5.      spares you from feeling depressed and sad

6.      creates a new beneficial habit in your life

7.      helps you see life clearly.

Ending this habit of envying is definitely worth the effort it will take.   If you can't immediately begin celebrating others' triumphs, then start with yourself and your victories. All the best.   

May you rejoice in yours and others good fortune.