Our lives are composed of myriad experiences woven into a
tapestry that we can look back on with pleasure or wince at in dismay.
The threads used in the construction of our life’s tapestry
can add lustre and invite a touch, and a softening in the
heart of an observer. Or it can be woven
from floss that’s raw, knotted, and frayed, which can irritate and chaff, and awaken sadness instead.
How we approach our life experiences will determine
the quality of the thread that’s loomed into our life’s portrait.
The other day I spoke with a high school friend. He’s been working in the same job almost 30
years and is planning on retiring from it. Laughingly he said to me, “I know this isn’t
the best way to live because I’m living now just for my retirement”.
I felt sad as I listened to him because it was obvious to
both of us that he knew he was putting his life on hold for a dream.
Recently two people quite close to me told me of unexpected
mishaps that have befallen them. The ceiling on the
home of my 72 year old friend caved in.
It’s destroyed all her belongings and everything has been contaminated
with asbestos and mold. So everything is
condemned and has be thrown out.
Another 82 year old friend who is preparing for knee replacement surgery
just discovered the water supply to her home is running dry, and she has to pay
thousands of dollars to have a new well dug on her property.
Consciously or unconsciously most of us believe we’ll live a
problem free life when we are older.
With that false idea in mind, we think it is fine to simply blast
through life’s current irritations because one day it will all be smooth
sailing.
But skill later on in life requires training throughout
life.
When I was a child, my bad temper got me into lots of
scrapes at school and home. My mother
would constantly caution me about the suffering I was creating for myself
because of my uncontrolled behavior. I
hated hearing her advice then, but I see the wisdom of it now. I was honing the habit of being angry and
impatient. And she was saying don’t wait
until you are older to develop patience, start training now.
Our entire lifetime is a training ground for cultivating
wise thought, speech and action. It is
unwise to think that patience, tolerance and forbearance can be developed
overnight later in life. That belief causes us to disregard the opportunities to practice being patient every moment.
Many things try our tolerance from radio broadcasts to
witnessing some incident on the street. The supreme skill of patience will help us in such rough times because instead of becoming inflamed we can practise restraint, which lessens our own and others' suffering.
To defuse impatience and irritation, we should actively
remind ourselves that the challenge we are currently facing is an opportunity
to develop a helpful skill. It’s not
always easy to remember this. So it's a good idea to start with the little irritations. For
example, when I’m washing dishes, and putting cutlery into the dish rack, and if a spoon falls out, I get irritated.
Because I know this is a trial for me, I sometimes even laugh at my
irritation when a fork or spoon falls out of the holder.
It’s important to notice in advance what triggers our
impatience. Once you are angry it’s very
difficult to halt the spiral. So being
mindful even in hindsight, and reflecting on episodes of impatience is very
helpful in developing a calmer state of mind. 
The other thing to do is remind yourself that no situation
lasts forever. No matter how frustrating
and annoying someone or something is it will end. Practicing restraint and stoicism in the
midst of it is trains the mind, lessens your own and others' suffering, and defuses
a volatile situation. People remember us for how we are when things are falling
apart.
I’m struck by the acceptance of both my friends who are enduring
challenges at this stage of life. Their
calm comes from years of training in tolerance.
They exemplify grace under fire. The threads in their life tapestries
will glisten with smoothness, silkiness and softness.
May your life tapestry be loomed with threads of patience.
