HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Friends,

Wishing you all a lovely holiday season.
May your time with family and friends be filled with laughter, joy, and peace, and of course, good eats.
May the New Year bring you peace, love, prosperity and good health.

Thank you for all you do!

Hugs
Casey

Noticing -- is enough!

A friend was telling me about her child who never seems to enjoy any activity, outing or trip they take her on.  No matter if the trip was to the zoo, hiking, beach or the movies, her daughter invariably struggled with enjoying herself or expressing enjoyment.  As her mother, my friend was sad and concerned about this ‘quirk’ in her child.

I asked her if she thought maybe the child’s expectations were too high? Or maybe the child's vision or her idea of how “things should be” causes her to be disappointed?  To ease my friend’s worry, I reminded her that noticing what’s happening for her child is the first important step.  The simplest way to teach our children is to pay attention to our own actions and words. As children learn from modeled behavior, I hoped this gentle hint would also help her (the mother) to begin noticing her own levels of expectation and perfection.   

 In a culture which emphasizes doing above being, the drive to attain perfection causes us to try and ‘fix’ things, and to do so as quickly as possible.  And we -- body, speech, accent, you name it – aren’t spared from this ‘improving’.  With missionary zeal, we set out on the journey to do something to better ourselves, and we don’t give ourselves the time and space to become clear about what is right there, right then.  Jon Kabat Zinn points out "we are tending to ourselves simply by paying kind attention to what is unfolding right in this moment." (Whereever you go)

With the heavy demands we carry, much of our life slips past without our knowing.  The mere act of noticing – focusing our ‘eye’ on the issue, the worry, the fear, the situation – is sufficient to bring about a transformation, a shift, a relaxation, or whatever the moment is asking of us.  In that moment of paying deep attention, we don’t have to do anything.  Rather it becomes our declared intention to be fully available to ourselves just then.

One way we can become available to ourselves – don’t panic!, I’m not suggesting you increase your already overloaded schedule – is to take a couple minutes each day when readying for bed, upon waking, or in the shower to check in with yourself.    

Here’s how you do it:

Move your attention (as if it were warm honey) down your body, emotions and mind. Discover what’s happening there.  Your role is the detached observer. Try not to wish for anything to be different.  For instance, if you notice you are feeling anxious about the day ahead -- then simply look at how anxiety manifests in your body and mind.  Are your thoughts racing?  Are you feeling tense?  Are your palms sweaty?  Observing with kind curiosity is how you become aware of what’s happening in the moment.

After checking in and seeing what’s there, you have options.  You can sit with the feeling and see what else comes up, or you can leave things as they are.  If you feel compelled to challenge your thinking or to do something, then you can figure out what course of action to follow.

The beauty of following this slowing down process is that:

·         it monitors the reactivity and shutting down that automatically occurs when we are  faced with something we don’t like

·         we become responsive and not reactive

·         it helps recalibrate us to what’s happening now. 

And in the present moment, exactly as it is, is the only place we truly exist.  

May this article heal, transform and empower you.

Learning from irritating people...

By now, you know that I draw the theme of these articles from my life experiences, which I subject to intense scrutiny and which you, my long-suffering readers, are subjected to in these articles.  So I’ve been wondering about -- how do we learn?  

The other day my husband and I attended an event that ran longer than anticipated, so by the end of the event I was quite hungry.  In the very crowded car park, cars were feeding into one lane from about four different directions, and pedestrians were crossing in front of and alongside cars to get to their cars.  My polite husband allowed several cars to go ahead of us.   Then he decided to wait and see in which direction a large group was going, before merging into the exit lane.  As we saw they weren’t going to cross in front of us, (from my low blood sugar perspective, or is this just an excuse?), he seemed to be taking an inordinately long time to join the exit queue. That’s when my patience ran out.        

Here’s the thing -- my husband seems to drive perpetually in the slow lane of life.  And while I’m not always rushing, I like to reach my destination while I still have life in me. In all the years we’ve known each other, our temperaments haven’t changed much.  What has this to do with learning, you ask?

This incident or variations of it have occurred many times in our marriage.  So, how do we know whether we are learning or if we are just repeating the same pattern mindlessly?  Later, as we discussed the incident, I acknowledged my responsibility for my reaction and expressed regret for it.  As I was apologizing, I was also wondering why does this scene keep replaying.  

If impatience is the culprit that trips up my equanimity, then reflection on my outburst is my reset button.  This is what I mean: by apologizing for being rude and by analyzing how and why things unfolded as they did -- these actions of acknowledging responsibility and of analyzing consequences -- automatically give rise to awareness.  And awareness is the first step to learning.

The greatest understanding that arose from this situation was that the people who irritate us (and we all play this role to someone) also provide an opportunity for us to learn about ourselves.  My husband’s patience reveals my own impatience.  This showed me that even though I’ve grown much, this is still a growth area for me. 

Both parties have the potential to learn from such incidents.  I wondered what he had learned from it?  He replied that circumstances demand we respond to them as they are unfolding rather than rigidly sticking to just one way of approaching all situations in life.

So how we learn is by: 

• becoming aware and acknowledging our role in an incident,
• examining our feelings and thoughts about it, 
• analyzing the roles of the people involved, 
• recognizing that each situation requires a fresh approach, and
• understanding that sometimes lessons are repeated. 

Even though, these sorts of incidents have occurred many times, the fact is that at each occurrence: the argument duration is shorter, the anger less heated, the words less harsh, the feelings less hurt, the calm less ruffled.  And…we aren’t always the last car in the queue!!

Mindfulness and Technology

In case you think technology only distracts us, think again!  Check out this article on Mindfulness and Technology.  Yes, my friends, there are apps out there that can help you remember to be mindful.

Enjoy

http://www.nicabm.com/nicabmblog/mindfulness-technology-for-the-21st-century-have-you-tried-these-apps/

Losing Ground

Recently life has become a very strict teacher! The lessons seem to be coming more frequently and they seem to be hitting closer to home.  Since our move to another area and home, I am growing acutely aware that all the things in life I take for granted as being safe and sound are, in fact, quite easily invaded.

It started when we were moving. We were informed that a home on the street across from our place had been broken into during the day, even though this was supposed to be a safe neighborhood. Then my computer got a virus despite the antivirus and firewall protections I’d purchased.  Then I called the company I bought the computer protection software from only to realize that I was actually speaking to the very person I was trying to protect my computer from. Then our bed was invaded by bedbugs probably picked up on the discount moving service we’d used during the move. Then when renting a safety deposit box at the bank, the written notice indicated that none of the stored items were covered under FDIC.  This onslaught of ‘reminders’ feels weighty to me.

We like to think of our home, computer, bed and bank as being safe places that are inviolate.  We use these places and things to conduct our most intimate and private business.  The thought that they are subject to invasion is decidedly unsettling. Therefore I have to wonder: what am I meant to be learning?  What is escaping my attention, which is causing the lessons to manifest in so many different ways in such a short time span?

If you think I have the answer, I haven’t!  Naturally I’m drawn to try and understand what I’m not getting or seeing.  All these incidents seem to concentrate around the notion of safe refuges and a sense of security. The frequency of these occurrences and their personal nature screams some significance to me.  I suppose if I weren’t the type of person who chooses to understand or read meaning into life’s occurrences, I wouldn’t be plagued by them.

However, I do believe that life sends us lessons.  Our role is to first recognize that we are being taught something and then to learn it.  If we fail to even comprehend that there’s significance or meaning to what is being experienced, we lose the lesson and consequently the opportunity to learn.  But life is nothing if not tenacious, and we’ll certainly get to experience and learn the lesson in another way.  For me, I’m opting to learn the lesson the first time round.  But clearly I’ve not done so yet, hence the many manifestations of what I am assuming is essentially one lesson. 

  What are your thoughts about such life experiences?  I’d love to hear your feedback and insights in this regard.    

Hello Friends,


I apologize for my lack of presence on my website and for not publishing any articles recently.  It seems my computer has a virus but happily it is now in the process of being operated on.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a quick recovery!! We'll be up and running soon.


Until then, may you be well and happy

Forgiving: a way to healing

As I write this and look out the window, the storm clouds are swooping in and the darkening sky is threatening heavy rains.  Newly sprung leaves and buds on the tree outside my window are shrinking as the temperature drops.  It certainly doesn’t look or feel like Spring. But Easter is around the corner.  And we most commonly think of Easter as a time of rebirth, reawakening and renewal.  What other meanings does this time of year connote? 

Recently I was on a phone call.  And the person on the other end asked me why someone we both knew was always angry with her.  Their relationship has always been strained, and labors under much unspoken feelings of betrayal, misjudgments, assumptions and habitual reactions.  Both parties suffer confusion, anger, and deep hurt.  This person said she was willing to apologize for whatever wrong she might have done, so that they could heal the rift. Knowing this was a situation they needed to resolve between themselves, I suggested that she directly ask the person.  I reminded her, the only thing within her power was to request forgiveness. If the other person was unable to hear, accept or grant it, then she would have to forgive herself, and if able, to wish the best for the other person. This conversation reminded me of another meaning of Easter and Spring – forgiving and forgiveness.

I pondered why someone would willingly choose to hold onto anger when anger weighs so heavily and forgiveness sits so lightly on the soul.  For most of us, reactions rule our way of being.  In some cases (not all obviously) we aren’t fully aware of the harm we cause others and ourselves with our actions and words.  A downside to our adaptability and resilience is that we can grow accustomed to even those things that are uncomfortable and unpleasant.  So, if the other person spurns the request for forgiveness, it may be because being angry has now become a habit.

One way of moving closer to learning to forgive ourselves and others is by becoming intimately aware of how much conditioning rather than thoughtful responses govern our thoughts, actions and feelings.  This knowledge combined with the acceptance of our own fallibility, moves us further on the path to practicing more forgiveness in our life.

A process for forgiving yourself and others

·                            Start slow and small.  In other words, if you are seeking or giving forgiveness, practice how to do this on the little issues and disagreements in life.  Avoid the hot button or traumatic episodes in the beginning.

·                            If it is hard to consider forgiving someone, then recall some situation where you may have hurt or harmed someone.

·                            Do a guided visualization where you are asking for this person’s forgiveness. Feel what it feels like when this person grants your wish.

·                            Then practice extending this same generosity and compassion towards a person needing your forgiveness.

      Forgiveness benefits both parties.  The advantages to forgiving are: we feel lighter and freer, we are granted the opportunity to practice compassion and generosity, we are reminded of our own human frailty and our connectedness to all beings, and we enjoy healthier, happier relationships.  

The ability to truly forgive someone else begins with our ability to forgive ourselves.  If you’d like guidance on how to do this then visit this link: Neuroscientist, Dr Rick Hanson’s 10 Steps to Forgiving Yourself provides a compassionate and clear path to accepting our humanness and working on self forgiveness. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-hanson-phd/forgive-yourself_b_906769.html 

Lent to break routines...

Do we know what we prioritize and value in our life? Are we able to recognize when we need something? Or do we simply go along with whatever sweeps us up in life?    The daily demands placed on us by so many things—family, work, studies, friends – makes it extremely easy to overlook our need in the larger scheme of things.

This weekend was the second occasion when a Reiki client failed to show up for an attunement session.  After my initial flash of irritation when she cancelled at the last minute, I began to wonder what causes a person to do this.  She is clearly interested in learning Reiki, but what is it then that becomes the priority, which pushes aside what she wants for herself?  Perhaps she is unable to value herself and her needs? Perhaps she isn’t in the right space to set aside the time to learn this now.  Perhaps she’s overwhelmed by all that life is demanding of her.

This struggle to balance needs and responsibilities is familiar to us, and can be so overwhelming that we often are barely aware of our needs, let along being able to prioritize them.  But there’s something that can help.  Another way of viewing cultural or religious periods of abstinence and fasting is that they help us recalibrate our life.  How?

Fasting periods like Lent (literally lent to us) apply the brake on our hectic schedules; they serve as a break from the routine. Routine activities, often dictated by others’ demands, dominate our day.  When these demands become so habitual, we do them on auto pilot.  This is why we can do the laundry, wash the dishes, cook a meal, and drive home without being aware of how it is getting done.  Being this absent from such a large part of our own life is not wise.

Another benefit that participating in a fasting period provides is that it make us become more conscious of our actions.  For instance, if we’ve chosen to abstain from alcohol, candy or cigarettes during this period, we have to be extra conscious to not let our conditioning and habitual patterns take over. Consequently we become more alert and attentive to all we do, say and put into our mouths.  We become present.  And this is valuable.  Even though consciousness requires effort, it is an investment in self.  The first step towards a peaceful and meaningful life on purpose is self care.    

Our ability to recognize what we value and need is integral in our ability to effectively help or serve others.  Sometimes all we need is a tiny break in routine for something to become clear. Self care doesn’t have to be an expedition to a mountain or a retreat it can be just a few moments of quiet listening and honoring an inner calling.  

Gratitude increases happiness

On Sunday morning, I wanted to go for a bike ride on the San Tomas Aquino Creek Trail from Monroe Street in Santa Clara to Milpitas.  But my bike tires were flat and with the rain clouds looming overhead, I thought a brisk walk, before the rain, would have to suffice.  As I walked it occurred to me that every time I wanted to bicycle, my bike was ready and the weather was fine.  I expected it to be so and it was…until it wasn’t. 

As if underscoring this point, on Tuesday I was doing Reiki on a client when she said “guess what happened today?” Grinning, she said “today I had a shower…after one year of sponge baths! I can’t tell you how great that felt.” I wondered had she ever thought there would be a time in her life when she would have been this happy to take a shower?

We all overlook the things that bring us pleasure, or make the day easier, or help us feel better; this is our nature.  It seems it is easier for us to pay attention to what doesn’t work rather than what does work. But if we pay attention to even just one thing that makes us feel good in a day, we’ll feel a lightness enter our beings.  For e.g. if you love going to work because you feel are living your life’s purpose, or if you are able to reach down and pick up your child for a peck on the cheek, or if you can wrap your hand around your coffee cup and feel its warmth, then these are things to be grateful for.  Happiness and joy visit us in these easily missed moments.   

When we begin this practice of being thankful for what went well or made us feel good in a day, then we become even more open and receptive to such moments in life.  And the truly remarkable thing about noticing what is going right is that it makes us feel better about ourselves, other people and life in general.  And when we feel good, it is easy for us to be kind to those around us.

 So even if it seems like there’s absolutely nothing working in your life, look again and you’ll discover in this moment you are breathing and you are alive. And that is a lot to be thankful for.

…and her face changed…

Boy, how often we believe we are on top of things and then someone points out something that’s been staring us in the face (pun intended).

Recently, a friend came over and while we were sipping warm mushroom barley soup and noshing on open-face tuna sandwiches, she asked me if I had a Facebook account.  As I was spelling out my name, she was busily typing it into her IPhone.  When my Facebook page popped up on her phone, she said “Oh, so this was a photo from a few years ago?” 

Only a momentary hesitation preceded my burst of laughter.  Embarrassed, she quickly added, “Well…, you’re not wearing your glasses in this picture.” 

Still laughing, I said “Clearly it is time to update that pic.”

Fair warning friends, brace yourselves because you are going to see a latest picture of me up on my wall, hmmm…

Any similar ‘reminders’ come your way?  Feel like sharing?

Our loves lead to our life’s work…

While walking at Maywood Park on Pruneridge Avenue, I heard the sounds of a flute drifting on the warm air currents; a man was sitting in his car practicing on a flute. Hearing this dedicated musician, I wondered why don’t I practice my drumming more? Isn’t this the way for many of us? We are forced to face our lack of determination, when we encounter someone else’s discipline. I was reminded of a fact about British guitarist, Peter White:  he taught himself to play the guitar at age 8.  So, what do they have that allows them to take up something and persevere at it? 

 Love.  When someone loves doing something, then they can practice for hours and do so tirelessly.  This love, passion, drive, desire or whatever we call this internal motivation or determination can’t be overemphasized. Living from this part of ourselves feels as if we are moving in alignment with our purpose for being. 

Everything in life we do, healthy or unhealthy, gives us some payback, which keeps us coming back for more.  The feedback we get while engaged in a much loved activity is the feeling of being separated from our thoughts and critical mind; we enter into a “zone” of pure response and flow from moment to moment. Very few activities in life provide us this valuable meditative space, and we can use it as a stepping stone to guide us on our path to living a fulfilled life.

 Discovering your purpose

The first step in living your purpose and discovering “what you want to do in life,” is to consciously acknowledge what you love doing. 

·        Begin by making a list of all the things you love doing.  Write down everything no matter how big or small, important or inconsequential.  This is a list for your eyes only so try not to censor yourself.

·        If this is overwhelming, then as much as possible, begin to pay attention to what you do in a day.  Notice which tasks are easy for you, uplift you, are enjoyable, and also take note of those which drain or deplete you. 

Doing these simple exercises will help guide you on your path to living a passionate and meaningful life.

After you’ve identified the things that enliven you, begin to work on trying to make that a reality in life.  Start researching what your ideal job, career, or path will look like on a daily basis, what education or skills you’ll need to acquire, who and what contacts you’ll need to make to further yourself in that career. By becoming familiar with your path and life’s work, you’ll know what it takes to make this possible in your life.

One of the dangers of loving something is that we tend to become attached to the outcome manifesting a certain way.  Sometimes what you truly love doing may not allow you to fulfill your responsibilities, so it may have to become or remain a hobby or vocation (paid or unpaid) you engage in on weekends and evenings.  Many people have discovered that doing the hobby they love as a full time job robs it of the freedom, free flowing expression and loose time frame they so thrived on. So learn to let go of how you want things to unfold and remember to keep what you want clearly in focus.

 And also know that discovering your passions and loves isn’t wasted effort.  When you know what truly fulfills and energizes you, you become clear about what you value in life.  And then you’ll endeavor so much more to honor that part of yourself, as it most clearly moves you in the direction of living a passionate and meaningful life.    

Thank You's 

Woohoo!! My web page is finally up!!

 No one could have been more surprised than me at how absorbing and exciting this process turned out to be.  Prior to this experience, I’d never done anything technical, really.  And I couldn’t have done this without the help of my pal, Shino, DarkUFO and Blogger.NiteCruzer  who provided step-by-step directions on linking up my custom domain with my Blogger account.

Thank you too, to all the people who answer questions on blog threads as they are so valuable to technically and technology challenged people like me.  Thank you all for your help.